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Plumvoicedfox

my previous topic was deleted...

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Can i ask what is wrong with asking the double fine community whether or not "video games are appropriate for my jewish bi-sexual ugislavian goat in a wedding dress?"

By placing myself in the shoes of the forum administrators i have tried to obtain an answer to this. However placing myself in the shoes of a person who probably lives somewhere unkown on another conitent is even trickier than it sounds. Made trickier by the fact that forum administrators aren't physical beings, existing only as electrical impulses within the inconceivable space of the internet itself. The first step i took was to try and communicate directly with the legendary forum administrators. Looking back, this first attempt was primitive, idiotic and it's results should have been forseen. I simply sent it a personal message:

TO: Forum administrator

From: Me

Body: hey can i have your shoes? i'm interested in wearing them. Why did you delete my topic?

I waited upwards of 30 seconds (3 years in forum administrator time) and had still received no reply. I needed to be more cunning with my message. On second attempt i decided to send a tracking cookie encoded within the email, so that when he opened it i could obtain his wear abouts and hire a bounty hunter to go after him and bring me back his shoes.However i still needed to trick him into opening the email in the first place, I therefore disguised this second message with a cunning subject:

"This could be your lucky day!"

And to avoid him missing the email i sent approximatley 500 directly to to his inbox. After 10 seconds, my tracking cookies had not returned with any information, infact they hadn't returned at all.

"where are you guys?" I muttered and tapped the screen with a cool techie pen. Suddenly my inbox rattled, i opened it up and discovered one message:

"From: Unkown

I'm warning you, quit now or you won't be alive to see the moon tomorrow."

A single shiver ran through me, the game of cat and mouse had begun. Suddenly my computer gave a shudder, it was smoking. I backed away waringly. The entire case gave a heave and fell, clanging against the floor. For a few seconds there was silence, i pressed myself against the door, then suddenly my disc drive exploded, showering me in debris. Something was shooting out, smahing to peices on the wall oppostie narrowly missing my cranium. Cookies. 500 choc-chip tracking cookies were being forced back out of my computer.

"No! NOOOO!" i screamed gathering a handful of my fallen baked brethren. A coarse viscious anger ran through me like vinegar

"YOU'LL PAY!" i yelled hurling myself against the computer. My fingers played a skillful dance across the keys, the clacking resounding like the applause of a ghostly audience. My brain and hands worked together as one creating one of my most insane, risky and bizarre schemes yet. Pulling together a length of paino wire, 13 siamese cats and the first season of Dead Like Me i climbed out onto my roof and fashioned a makeshift ariel. As i was working i could see storm clouds brewing over the hills, they were approaching fast, giving of an ambient energy that ran through me and fired my already anger addled brain into faster action.

"Perfect," I muttered to the same ghostly audience as i climbed back through the window. Landing back in front of the computer i tapped out a quick, seemingly suicidal message

TO: Forum administrator

BODY: Bring it.

My finger hovered for a second over the send key and then it was gone, shooting of into cyberspace to bring my doom. I waited with baited breath. Silence, incredible, earsplitting silence. Them suddenly a rumbling. At first distant, like a faraway truck, then closer like an approaching aroeplane, then closer still and closer still like a huge lumbering steam engine heading directly for me. The entire room started shaking, I held on for dear life to the keyboard, whose keys began to come loose, fly off and clamber away across the floorboards. The monitor pane cracked and plaster began to fall from the ceiling, messing up my awesome hair. Suddenly my desktop began to twist and morph, a split formed and then it grew wider and broke apart. A smile, my desktop was smiling at me. It was the face of the terrible forum administrator!

"NOW!" i screamed slamming my finger onto the enter key. I felt a surge of energy and the light bulb flickered and died. Electricity crackled outside my window

"come on, come on!" I muttered transfixed by the terrifying face infront of me, fat black cracks appeared in the walls of my room and then there was a deafening BOOM, as though the earth had split, i was blinded by a white flash. It had worked! the ariel had induced a lightning strike, but something was wrong, the monitor finally gave in and for a heart stopping mind bending split second i was face to face with the terrible mass of swirling energy, it's eyes were lame youtube videos, it's mouth a jagged google logo and it's nose the worst fcebook profile pictures imaginable. I was utterly frozen, it placed it's enormous wirling green blue hands over my head and suddenly crack! I was swirling away. For a single millisecond i saw my lifeless body fall to the carpeted floor of the room and then i was soaring upwards into the clouds, where we danced together, leaping kilometres at a time caught in a perpetual struggle for domiance then spiralling downwards, faster than i could even perceive and then another earsplitting CRACK and i was earth bound again. My mind was swirling, i could barely peice together what had happened, the lighting surge instead of just picking up the disgusting forum administrator had picked up me as well somehow, or at least my brain signals. And then the lighting must have struck someone else and i had gone into them! I tried to move my arms but one seemed rigid and stuck, the other appeared not to obey me and moved seemingly of it's own accord. I felt...strange...as though my insides were rusty cogs and my brain seemed dominated by an insescent beat, tick tick tick. At that moment i realised. i looked up and saw the leering, evil face above me. The forum administrator had landed in the mans body, i had landed in the mans WRISTWATCH. In a swift movement i felt myself being undone, then was raised high above the mans head. A single phrase escaped the possesed man's lips

"look's like it's time...to die,"

I tried to let out a scream but found i could only tick faster, like the beating of a heart. I ticked faster and faster, then he was bringing me down and i was hurtling towards the ground and CRACK! I felt a sickening spinning sensation as though i was travelling faster then anyone ever should. I realised i had never hit the ground, i was back dancing between the swirling grey cotton of the clouds but i could see another blue streak pursuing me. It was the forum administrator. I tried to double back around him but he was too fast, he shot towards me but the split second before we met i turned and forced my self downwards, feeling myself breaking through the skin of the clouds, I was hurtling towards the ground, clanging along something cold and silvery then lying on something soft. Soft? carpet...wait, i was LYING. I was alive. I sat up and patted myself down, i almost didn't dare to beleive it, of all the places in the world i could have landed i had landed back in my body. Then i remembered the hurtling blue streak that pursued me through the clouds, i sat up suddenly wary, had he followed me down? was he in the room with me right now? I looked around the half destroyed room, then over at the computer, which was very black and scorched, he couldn't be in THAT. Then i heard it, a faint buzzing, i followed the noise, it was coming from my bed, no under my bed. I reached under and pulled out a pair of my old sneakers, i could feel them humming gently, this is what he had landed in. I smiled. I could finally get into the administrators shoes.

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Wow. Just wow. How did I miss this amazing thread? I freakin' love it. Please keep it alive.

*slow golf clap*

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No way, Hannah Montana would never betray her friends like that!

i'd be careful what you say guys...they can smell out posts they don't like from a mile away.

However, as you may have noticed, there is one way to disguise the posts scent. WHat you have to do is wrap the real message in-between two irrelevent phrases to throw them off. Stuff about hannah montana works best, she's like a natural repelent to administrators.

Hannah montana concert 09 here i come!

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Yeah, any mention of She-who-must-not-be-looked-directly-at also acts as a Katez repellent as well as an anybody-with-any-taste repellent.

That was a really cool post tho. 8D Wordy, but cool.

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tl;dr

EDIT:

"I'm feeling like a jerk, so I'll put the least amount of thought possible into this post."

Yeah..... sorry about that

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Well, if it was broken up a bit more I might want to read it. And I realize that saying nothing but tl;dr is a turd thing to do, and I apologize.

And you aint gettin' mah brain sucka

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Well, if it was broken up a bit more I might want to read it. And I realize that saying nothing but tl;dr is a turd thing to do, and I apologize.

And you aint gettin' mah brain sucka

What is WITH all the belligerence on these forums this month? can't ANYONE admit that they need a Docter?

Very well... if thats the way you want to be... I'll be in my office.

Waiting for you.

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Wow. That seems like something that would be posted on CE. Lack of capitalization bugged me, but I really liked this! :D

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Wow. That seems like something that would be posted on CE. Lack of capitalization bugged me, but I really liked this! :D
Yeah, you'd think if someone took the time to write all that they would've capitolized it. Especially since it was mostly spelt right and grammatically correct. Anywho I loved it, he really showed me how evil Klint is. Thank god he warned us all.

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YOU DIDN'T PUT THE SEMICOLON IN Tl;Dr!!

If you put a semicolon in it, even that most jerkiest of phrases has a winking smiley face in it!>

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I just woke up so my head isn't focused enough to do your prose justice. But, I like your short story beginning (the other one, about the lady and the visitor,) surprised as I was to see something like that appear here, as I stated, this not being a literary forum and all, unless you count the role playing, which, frankly, is on the merest edge of the precipice as far as literature is concerned. I shall read this after the cobwebs have cleared. But, I like your style. Are you the Sariel with the Anne McAffrey web site, if I may be so bold as to inquire?

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