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TimeGentleman

Hey Tim! Thanks for being a massive legend all over the video game fans that adore Grim Fandango et al!

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I think this is the part that requires copyright protection, but I lost my Dial-A-Schafer wheel!

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> TELL TIM TO USE POWERS TO ESCAPE GAME



Feeling a bit lost, you tell Tim of Legend to use his powers to escape the game, but he merely chuckles.



"You can leave any time you want, but I’m a computer program approximation of my creator,

and am here to stay. Did you ever seen Tron?" He’s suddenly wearing a Catwoman outfit. "Ooh,

I think I’m finally getting the hang of this outfit thing. Nice!"



You feel lost, confused and completely unsure how to progress. Luckily Tim notices.



"It seems to me that the only way this game will be safe in the future is if we purge the senior

guard’s code from the system. Using your power as the Player Character, and my abilities within

the game itself, I think we should be able to do it."



Tim’s outfit suddenly changes to cuddly Ewok.



"Very soft! Definitely getting there...", he says, "It’s just a shame that we lost Al Borland. His model

was based on an earlier, more powerful, version of mine. When we decided to scale back my 

powers, we scrapped the model, but used it again as a basis for that terrible DLC pack. We never

completely closed all the special abilities off properly. That’s why we used copies of him for our 

evil army. Oh well."



Tim’s outfit changes again. This time it’s a passable version of a Han Solo outfit.



"Perfect!", he says. "How upset would you be if I called you Chewie? Don’t have to answer now. Give

it some thought. Our first task is to get out of this evil dungeon. So, are you with me? Shall we track

down and purge the senior guard from the code?"



> _

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> Y



"I love your enthusiasm! Let’s go!" Tim of Legend scrunches up his eyes in concentration, and soon the world starts melting in that

all too familiar, but still disconcerting way.



You find yourself outside again, with evening drawing in. You look around and see you’re in a normal looking village. Everything is dark,

but one of the buildings is alive with light and noise. You guess correctly that it’s the town tavern. To the side of the tavern is a 

stables with several horses in it.



"I think she rode here", says Tim of Legend. "She’s probably in that tavern, trying to round up some dangerous thugs to take us out.

Oh man, I hate dangerous thugs. I can still die, you know. You can save and reload and be fine. Not me..."



Tim of Legend suddenly looks doubtful. 



"Are we sure we want to do this? Do we have any sort of plan? I wish Greg Rice was here. He was always good with plans. *sigh* Well

you had the good taste to play my game, so I guess I’ll just trust you. What shall we do?"



> _

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> CLIMB STAIRS



"Good plan", says Tim of Legend. "Better to sneak in than walk through the front door."



As you make your way towards the tavern, Tim keeps talking.



"I wonder what the real name of this town is. She told me it was ’Leg End’ to explain why I was called ’Tim of Legend’

but it must have had a name first, right? Or maybe we never got around to giving this part of the world map a name.

I can’t remember everything, some details are fuzzy."



As you get closer to the tavern, you can hear laughter and music. Tim relaxes.



"It doesn’t sound too bad in there. She can’t have drummed up much support yet. This town is totally ’pro-NPC, 

anti-PC', but she’ll still find it hard to convince people that their beloved king has switched sides", he says and adds 

with a smile, "I’m very lovable you know."



You reach the stairs that run up the outside of the building to the balcony above, and hear more clearly the music and 

song that’s being sung:



"He once was our king,

But then he turned yellow.

We’ll never ’gain trust,

That beardy fellow.



He came from nowhere,

He promised us freedom.

But now he’s switched sides,

We’ll have to bleed ’im.



Let’s track him down quick,

Then cut him up slowly.

He’ll never ’gain spout,

Words so unholy."



"Damn, she’s fast", says Tim of Legend, clearly shaken. "What a horrible song!" He steadies himself on the wooden

handrail of the stairs, regaining his composure. "Nice melody, though." 



The singing continues:



"Then when we’re finished, 

We’ll hunt down the shadow.

Controlled from afar,

They'll still swing from gallows.



Nevermore puppets,

Will sully our land so.

The world only filled,

With NPC kind-so!"



The singing degenerates into cheers which are then quelled into silence by a muffled voice, followed by more 

cheers.



"I thought it went off the boil a bit at the end, but you've got to admire their musical organisational

abilities", says Tim. 



You start to ascend when the tavern doors burst open and the angry mob spills out into the street. They gather

around a figure that you can’t make out, but whose voice sounds familiar. You climb the stairs to get a better 

view.



From the balcony you slowly peek over the edge to see an unmistakable figure giving a speech to the mob. "How

can it be?", you wonder aloud. Tim comes over to have a look, and he breathes in suddenly when he sees who it

is.



The figure finishes their speech and turns to lead the crowd towards Castle Schafer. The fake plastic wings 

wobbling on his back as they walk down the street, legs bare due to lack of pants, there’s no mistaking Al Borland.



"What the hell?", asks Tim. "Even I don’t know how that’s possible."



As the crowd disappears the town gets quieter again. Apparently just about everyone in the tavern left with the 

mob. In the quiet you hear a muffled voice from one of the rooms off the balcony.



> _

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> FOLLOW VOICE AND BURST THROUGH BALCONY DOOR TO CATCH THEM BY SURPRISE



You follow the sound of the muffled voice to a door on the balcony and bust it open to reveal... a large bedroom. On a chair

by the closet is the senior guard, bound and gagged. She starts frantically making noise and wiggling in her chair.



You can’t tell if she’s trying to get your attention, or someone else’s. You both approach her.



> _



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> YELL “ITS A TRAP!!!” AND DIVE UNDER THE BED



You suddenly yell, "It’s a trap!" at the very top of your lungs, and then dive under the bed.



Under the bed is very dusty, and you soon start to sneeze. Through the sounds of your sneezing

you hear Tim of Legend and the senior guard having a conversation. The both sound very calm.



You catch snippets between "achoos":



Tim of Legend: "...Al Borland..."

Senior guard: "...out of control..."

Tim of Legend: "...the whole game?..."

Senior guard: "...more of a threat..."

Tim of Legend: "...bit of an idiot..."

Senior guard: "...under the bed..."

Tim of Legend: "...no idea..."



After a while your sneezing stops. Tim of Legend pops his head down as asks if you’re coming out any

time soon.



> _



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*Will our hero ever come out from under the bed? Will the nefarious Al Borland DLC ever be defeated? Will Tim of Legend ever make Psychonauts 2? Tune in next time to see the exciting conclusion of "Hey Tim! Thanks for being a massive legend all over the video game fans that adore Grim Fandango et al!"*

#cliffhanger #bump

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> LOOK



After spending what feels like an eternity under the bed, you finally decide to take a look around.

You see lots of dust and a disgusting, used bedpan, that nobody, under any circumstances would

ever want to pick up.



> PICK UP ALL



You decide to pick up the disgusting, used bedpan. After many attempts, however, you cannot

get it to fit into the pockets of your tuxedo, and give up. You notice that you smell disgusting, and

start to gag.



At that moment you hear someone else burst into the room. Listening to the conversation, you 

gather that it’s the inn owner, and the sound of voices had caused him to burst into the room armed

with a DLC shotgun, looking for Player Character sympathizers. Both Tim of Legend and the senior 

guard feign ignorance of your whereabouts, and try to innocently rent the room. Luckily the inn 

keeper appears to buy their story.



> COME OUT FROM UNDER BED



The sight of a shit-stained, tuxedo wearing stranger sends the inn-keeper into a blind panic and 

fires his shotgun straight into Tim of Legend’s gut, drops the weapon, and runs out the room.



The senior guard picks up the gun. Tim of Legend lays dying.



"This really isn’t going as well as I’d hoped", splutters Tim.



> _

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> ASK SENIOR GUARD TO HEAL TIM OF LEGEND



You have no idea if the senior guard has any such skills, but you decide it’s worth a go, and ask

her to help Tim of Legend.



"I know we were on opposite sides", she says, "but right now we have a common enemy who 

wants to permanently destroy the game." She looks over at Tim.



"Less talking, more healing", he says. "This really is pretty painful."



The senior guard continues.



"Al Borland is more powerful now than anything I’ve ever seen before. He brainwashed an entire

village in seconds", she bends down and pulls out a small cloth bag. "With the combined powers 

of you and Tim, we MIGHT stand a chance."



She opens the cloth bag and inside is a glowing blue vial. It shines more fantastically than anything

else you’ve seen in the game.



"Wow", you say.



"Is that what I think it is?", asks Tim.



"Ssh", says the senior guard. "Yes, this is only restorative health elixir in the entire world. You’re

supposed to earn it after completing a huge side-quest, but I managed to hack it into my possession."



"You’re really going to use it on me?", asks Tim. "You realise this is the only one in the entire game."



The senior guards looks up at you, you nod your head.



"Awesome!", says Tim.



The senior guard pours the vial on Tim’s wound and it immediately heals up.



"Incredible!", says Tim. "I feel better than ever!"



"You should do", says the senior guard. "It also increases your max HP, too."



He jumps up. "Alright!"



"So we’re agreed?", begins the senior guard, "a truce until Al Borland has been defeated?"



"Sure", says Tim.



You nod again. Wondering how the hell you’re going to manage to defeat Al Borland, but not

wanting to put a dampener on moment.



You shake each other’s hands, signing the deal. "My name’s Jennifer, by the way", says the senior

guard. "I have a backstory and everything."



"Let’s wait until the truce is over before we get into backstories", says Tim, "We have a fiend to

catch!"



> PICK UP DLC SHOTGUN



You suddenly try to wrestle the shotgun out of Jennifer’s hands, but in the struggle it goes off,

blasting Tim in the gut again.



"I’m seriously considering switching sides at this point", splutters Tim.



> _

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> ASK SENIOR GUARD TO HEAL TIM OF LEGEND



You decide it’s worth another shot and ask Jennifer to heal Tim of Legend again.



"Luckily I have one more incredibly rare elixir", she answers.



Tim springs to life, "Really?".



"No", she replies, "I already told you, that was the only one in the entire game!"



"Oh", says Tim.



There’s an awkward moment of silence before Tim perks up again.



"You know", he begins, "I don’t feel as bad as I did the first time." He slowly gets

to his feet. "I don’t think it was a critical hit, plus with the addition HP from the

elixir, maybe I’m alright after all."



He stands up straight, and seems OK.



"Ow", he adds. "Just don’t ask me to do any heavy lifting."



"Ok", says Jennifer, "we need to use this time to come up with a plan".



Just then the door bursts open, and Al Borland appears. He looks straight at you.



"Hello PC!", he bellows, "Surprised to see me?"



As your life flashes before your eyes, you begin to wonder why Al looked different,

and you realise it’s because he’s wearing the inn keeper’s clothes. You have no idea

why that would be, and decide to go back to watching your life unfold. It doesn’t

take long, unfortunately, and soon you’re soon back in the room, wishing you’d done

more with your existence.



As if to make things even more excruciating, your brain decides to perceive everything 

in slow motion, dragging out this terrifying moment for far longer than you’d like. You

consider this an act of emotional cruelty and file it away for use in your planned court 

case against it.



You watch as Jennifer tries to fire the shotgun at Al. He’s too quick for her and knocks

the weapon out of her hands, sending it flying through the air, toward the open 

balcony doors.



> _

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> DIVE AFTER SHOTGUN



There is no way you’re going to miss this opportunity, you tell yourself, and 

you put every ounce of energy into your dive after the DLC shotgun. In true 

action-hero tradition, you also let out a guttural yell...



"Yeeaaarrrgghh..."



Flying through the air, everything plays out in slow motion...



You come closer and closer to the spinning shotgun. You reach out your right 

hand but clumsily knock it away from you. "Nooo!", you begin, and before it can

fly out of reach, you quickly reach out your other hand and grab a firm hold 

of it. 



You did it. You now have the DLC shotgun in your inventory.



"I rock!", you think to yourself as you sail through the balcony doors, "I bet 

Jennifer really fancies me now".



As you continue through the air, over the balcony, toward the street below, you

wonder how much it’s going to hurt when you hit the ground.



As it turns out, it’s quite a lot.



"Ow!", you complain, as you attempt to stand up. Apparently this game has 

pretty realistic physical damage -- something to do with Al, you wonder -- and

you’re pretty sure you’ve snapped a bone in your shin.



As you put all your weight on your good leg, hobbling in the night air, you hear 

the sounds of a scuffle continuing upstairs in the tavern and resolve yourself to

do something about it.



> _

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> CHECK AMMO



It appears you have two more shots left in the DLC shotgun.



> RETURN TO THE LARGE BEDROOM



You start making your way back towards the action. You’re not quite sure whether to take the quick

route up the stairs on the side of the building, or risk going through the empty saloon underneath to see 

if there’s anything useful inside.



You decide you’ll choose while you’re walking and try to take a step forward (or rather, given your broken 

shin, a hop forward) and immediately notice something is wrong. You barely moved at all. At this rate you 

estimate it would take you 82 game days to get back to the bedroom, which is far too long to wait for a 

game, you decide.



> _

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> PURCHASE UBISOFT TIME-SAVER DLC



Congratulations! You have successfully purchased the "Ubisoft Time-Saver" DLC. 

$99 has been debited from your account.



Downloading [----------] 0% - SERVER TIMED OUT

Installing [----------] 0% - ERROR FAILED

Loading DLC [----------] 0% - ERROR FAILED



We hope you enjoy your new DLC!



> ENTER EMPTY SALOON



Nothing has changed. It takes all your strength to move forward one inch. Something

appears to be weighing you down. You hear screams from the bedroom upstairs.



> _

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> INVENTORY



You’re carrying the DLC Shotgun. There’s nothing in your pockets except a small amount of fluff and a large, cast-iron anvil.



> _

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