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TimeGentleman

Hey Tim! Thanks for being a massive legend all over the video game fans that adore Grim Fandango et al!

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What happened to the DLC shotgun?

It's in the inventory! We have two shots left, I think.

Once we see how this crafting goes, I think we're going to have to drop the anvil. The fact that it just showed up in our inventory makes me think Al is playing tricks and it may not be so easy to get rid of...

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Ah, yeah, there it is. I didn't see it there before, so I thought we might have dropped it and needed a new weapon.

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82 days have already passed. We should be back in the bedroom by now.

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> CRAFT FLUFF SWORD



You do your best to take the small amount of fluff in your pocket and, using the anvil, craft it into a deadly weapon. 

You try not to question your own sanity too much. After a while you’re happy with the results and look at your creation:

A perfectly harmless, one inch, fluff sword. You carefully place it in your pocket.



> CONTACT UBISOFT CUSTOMER SERVICES



ERROR 404 - Could not connect



> DROP ANVIL



You drop the anvil from your inventory and are free to hop around without hindrance.



> LIFT ANVIL OFF FOOT



As the anvil isn’t on your foot, you place it on the foot of your good leg, breaking several bones in it, and then lift it off.

This causes you a large amount of pain, and you collapse on the floor in agony. You now have no choice but to drag 

yourself to the saloon, which you start to do.



You get to the steps of the saloon and pull yourself painfully up them in the cold night air. You drag yourself until the 

swinging double doors of the entrance, then drag yourself through the saloon to the stairs to the right of the bar. Under 

the tables you go, unable to reach the DLC mini-gun, restorative health elixir, and power buffs that sit on top of them. 

Not that you can see them from your low vantage point, so you don’t even try.



You hear screams continuing from upstairs, and you hope the two shotgun rounds are going to be enough.



You pull yourself painfully up the stairs to the upper floor, trying to be as quiet as possible, and soon come to the door

of the bedroom where Tim and Jennifer are being held by Evil Al Borland.



The bedroom door is open a crack, and you can hear some voices inside. You wonder if you should listen to them.



> _

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82 days have already passed. We should be back in the bedroom by now.

Unfortunately every 82 real world days only equal one game world day. It's a stupid system.

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> LISTEN TO THEM



"Come on", urges Evil Al Borland, "More screams!"



Tim and Jennifer let out bored screams.



"That’s right," he laughs maniacally, "for all their faults, the PC is consistent in one thing: They’ll always try

to complete the game. They’ll be back, and if the explosives I’ve rigged up to the saloon doors don’t get them, 

the booby trapped DLC content I left on the saloon tables surely will! The PC can never resist picking things up!"



Evil Al Borland laughs again, he sounds quite mad. "And then it’s kaboom for all of us! The worst kind of 

ending for an adventure game: Unexpected sudden death!"



Evil Al Borland laughs even harder.



Tim replies, "That IS the worst, it’s true, but do you honestly think the PC is so stupid as to have gotten this far 

without saving once? Come on..."



Evil Al Borland replies, "I know for a fact they haven’t saved once... I’ve got access to a side of this world you 

can’t even imagine!"



"I don’t know", says Tim, "I am based on the game’s programmer you know. I can imagine a file system."



"Silence!", spits Evil Al Borland, "Scream!"



"Er, which is it?", asks Jennifer.



"SCREAM!"



The two let out weary screams again.



> _

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> SAVE GAME



You have successfully saved your game.



"What's this?", says Evil Al Borland unexpectedly, "Our little friend is close by..."



The door suddenly bursts open. "Hello!", screams Evil Al Borland.



You see Tim of Legend and Jennifer the senior guard tied to chairs behind him.



You also let out a little involuntary whimper.



> _

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> DELETE "AL BORLAND DLC" FROM THE FILE SYSTEM



** NO DLC FOUND WITH THAT NAME **



Evil Al Borland picks you up by the hair and throws you against the wall. You fall to the ground,

broken and bloody. Your right arm smashed beyond use. You can’t take much more of this, you

think to yourself.



Tim and Jennifer let out wincing noises. 



"Ouch", says Tim, voicing the politest part of your brain’s reaction to the pain.



> CONSULT GAMEFAQS



Nobody has written a guide for this game yet.



Evil Al Borland picks you up by your broken shin and throws you against the other wall.



"I can’t watch", says Tim, and closes his eyes.



Your left arm breaks as you hit the wall. You lose grasp of the DLC shotgun. The pain is 

unbearable, this is nearly the end.



You make a mental note to write to your local politician about the level of violence in modern 

video games.



> TICKLE AL’S NOSE WITH FLUFF SWORD



It takes a not inconsiderable amount of effort, and a very considerable amount of pain to

pull the fluff sword from your pocket. You’re very disappointed to discover that it’s become 

bent during all the commotion.



You can’t reach Evil Al Borland’s nose from the floor, so instead settle for his toes.



"I didn’t expect that", says Jennifer.



"Don’t tell me", responds Tim, "I have a weak stomach".



"Hmm", says All, "that tickles". He picks you up by your tuxedo and throws you out the bay doors.



You land with a sickening thud, breaking the larger of the remaining unbroken bones in your body, 

and dying more or less instantly.



"Can I open my eyes, yet?", asks Tim.



*** YOU HAVE DIED ***



You earned 3 points.



NEW GAME or LOAD FROM LAST SAVE?



> _

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> LOAD GAME



You are lying outside the bedroom door, with a broken shin on one leg, a broken foot on the other, 

listening to the rantings of Evil Al Borland. You are carrying the DLC shotgun, with two shells remaining,

and a small sword made of fluff.



The bedroom door suddenly bursts open. "Hello!", screams Evil Al Borland.



You see Tim of Legend and Jennifer the senior guard tied to chairs behind him.



You let out a little involuntary whimper.



> _

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> ASK EVIL AL BORLAND WHAT HIS PLAN IS



You know that Evil Al Borland intends to obliterate the game from the inside out, destroying

everyone and everything in it, and that you’re the only thing standing in his way, but you decide

to see if you can talk him out of it.



"Hi Al. Um, what’s the plan?", you ask as casually as possible.



He replies: "Well first, I’m going to throw you against this wall, like so."



Evil Al Borland picks you up by the hair and throws you against the wall. You fall to the ground,

broken and bloody. Your right arm smashed beyond use. You can’t take much more of this, you

think to yourself.



> _

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> PLAY DEAD



You lie completely still.



"Is he dead?", asks Tim.



"I don't know", replies Jennifer.



"Nope", says Al, "I can see he still has hit points left".



Evil Al Borland picks you up by your broken shin and throws you against the other wall.



Your left arm breaks as you hit the wall. You lose grasp of the DLC shotgun. The pain is 

unbearable, this is nearly the end.



> _

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> IDDQD



Al looks at you, lying on the floor and smiles. "You’re still DOOMed I'm afraid!", he says.



> ASK TIM AND JENNIFER FOR HELP



Tim changes his outfit into a plaid shirt and jeans, and then reaches down with his mouth to his

shirt’s top pocket, and pulls out the broken pen marked "PC" with his teeth. He spits it at you, 

and it lands nearby.



Before you can grab it, Al picks you up by your tuxedo and throws you out the bay doors.



As you fly through the air again, you notice that Al sarcastically yells after you, "Fly you magnificent 

bastard!", and wonder if it’s going to hurt the same amount when you hit the ground this time. (It does.)



You land with a sickening thud, breaking the larger of the remaining unbroken bones in your body, 

and dying more or less instantly.



*** YOU HAVE DIED ***



You earned 4 points.



NEW GAME or LOAD FROM LAST SAVE?



> _ 

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> LOAD GAME



You are lying outside the bedroom door, with a broken shin on one leg, a broken foot on the other, 

listening to the rantings of Evil Al Borland. You are carrying the DLC shotgun, with two shells remaining,

and a small sword made of fluff.



The bedroom door suddenly bursts open. "Hello!", screams Evil Al Borland.



You see Tim of Legend and Jennifer the senior guard tied to chairs behind him.



You let out a little involuntary whimper.



> EQUIP DLC SHOTGUN



You look at the DLC Shotgun in your hands and wonder how it might be possible to ’equip’ it any further.



> _

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> FIRE DLC SHOTGUN AT EVIL AL BORLAND



Lying on the floor in your weakened state, you do your best to take aim at Evil Al Borland with the

DLC Shotgun. You raise the weapon and then pull the trigger -- BANG! You’re sprayed with the digital

blood and bone of Al’s right kneecap. Al lets out an almighty roar that feels like it shakes the game 

world itself.



Through gritted, spit strewn teeth he blares at you, "I DON’T THINK SO, PC!".



As Angry Evil Al Borland picks you up by the hair and throws you against the bedroom wall, you notice

that the blood he sprayed you with is blue. A strange inky blue that you’ve seen before. A puddle of it

sits by the door where you shot him. 



You fall to the ground, broken and bloody. Your right arm smashed beyond use. You can’t take much 

more of this, you think to yourself.



Al is slowly limping towards you. "It’s payback time", he says.



> _

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