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Hey Tim! Thanks for being a massive legend all over the video game fans that adore Grim Fandango et al!

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You have no idea where a tailor’s might be, but the village north seems a

good bet. You and Al head off in that direction, you note with some relief 

that Al has stopped talking.

As you get closer you start seeing more details: The town is fenced by a 

wall of wooden spikes, over the top of which you can make out the roofs of

several buildings.

It looks like a grubby, uninviting place, and you note that the main entrance to

the village is closed. A sign above the closed gate says, "Welcome to Upper Dreck

-- An Unpleasant Place to Live".

A voice from the top of the gate yells down!

"Oi! You in the stupid sunhat! What’s the password?"

You look at Al. He shrugs.

> _ 

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> 42

"Cheers, mate!" says the voice, and you hear him scamper off.

You look at Al. He shrugs.

You turn to the gate again, and you notice that it’s actually slightly ajar already,

and not nearly as locked as you had assumed.

You open the massive gate further and you and Al walk into the town proper. 

Inside you see a big courtyard lined with several large wooden buildings with 

thatched roofs. The whole village is bustling with people, and you notice many 

of them are wearing silly hats. One such person spots you and comes over. He

appears to be wearing a giant cowboy hat made of nachos.

"Ah! You must be here for the convention." Before you can answer, he gives Al 

a dirty look, and pointedly says to him, "Do you mind? We’re having a private


Al shrugs and walks off. The man puts his arm around you, and you begin to 

wonder if Al Borland was the best choice of companion for this particular 


"So many nosey people would love to know our secrets!" says the man in the

nacho hat. "We've really had to up security."

You do your best to look confident and knowledgable.

He eyes you again with suspicion, and you begin to wonder exactly what facial 

expression you have managed to pull. 

"Hmm. First timer, right? No need to be nervous. We won't bite! Haha.  Well, 

provided you don't reveal our secrets to anyone, obviously. If you did we'd hunt 

you down and kill you like a dog. Haha!"

You can't think of anything to say besides, "ha ha". So that's what you say.

"Great". He then asks, "What Chapter are you from?"

> _

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man I hate those long cutscenes... ;-)

> chapter eleven

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You tell him "Chapter Eleven" and hope it's the right answer.

He's quiet for a while, then he says. "They're adding new chapters all

the time, these days! I hear there's even one in Leg End." He puts his

arm around you again and says, "Come on, the big presentation is 

about to begin."

He leads you into the big important looking building at the head of the

courtyard. Two scary looking guards wearing silly hats stop you.

"Password?", one of them says. Your newfound friend urges you to


You begin to wonder how any of this is getting you closer to King 

Schafer's celebration. And also where Al is.

"Well?", says the scary looking guard.

> _

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> 42

The guard grunts and lets you inside. "Quickly", says your new friend, "we're a bit late -- Why 

did you decide to wait so long to say the password? Never mind. Keep moving." 

Once inside you see a large room filled with seats, and people in stupid hats sat on them. 

You're shown to yours, and the lights suddenly dim.

A bearded man in a ridiculous crown walks out on stage. The crowd starts chanting, "King

Schafer! King Schafer!" He hushes them and starts to speak.

"Good morning my fellow NPCs! Or should I say, SNPCs?". The crowd cheer. "Where once I

was merely Tim of Leg End, programmed to be a simple pig farmer, without even a quest

item or an important line of dialogue, I now stand before thee King Schafer of Castle Shafer!"

The crowd goes bananas.

Suddenly a guard grabs you by the collar and lifts you into the air. The crowd goes silent as

more and more turn to look at you.

The guard bellows, "This one has been giving away our password!"

The crowd is shocked, and not a little angry. One of them yells, "Off with his head!" You try

to struggle free, but the guard is impossibly strong.

You see Al Borland standing by the side of the stage.

King Schafer suddenly speaks. "Explain yourself!"

> _

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You cannot see Tim Allen.

A man suddenly appears held by another guard, he's frantically pointing at you.

"That's him! That's him! I asked him for the password and he gave it to me. 

Blame him!"

The guard holding you says, "that's all we needed", and drags you out the building.

You soon find yourself locked in a dark, dank dungeon with only a pile of straw,

a slop bucket, and a pantless Al Borland for company.

> _

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You pick up the straw and, having nowhere else to store it, stuff it down your pants.

"I think the rats used that for a toilet", Al Borland tells you, and you feel something

warm and furry scurry up your pant leg.

On the floor where the straw was, you see a trap door.

> _

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Try as you might, the little bugger is just too fast for you. It looks like you have another

companion on your adventure. "At least this one is less annoying that Al Borland", you reflect.

> _

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Pantless Al Borland looks a little unconvinced by your request. 

"Can't we just try and pull on the big brass handle to try and open it?", he asks.

You successfully convince him that it might be a trap to pull on the handle. It is a "trap door",

afterall, you reason, and maybe the builders of the cell where cruel japsters.

"Ok, I guess you're right. This might be our only chance to escape...", Al says. "You, er,

keep a look out or something."

The trap door lets out a mighty creak as Pantless Al Borland tentatively stands on it. The

wood doesn't sound very strong.

He does a little jump and there's sound of wood snapping. Al looks at you.

> _

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> Stand next to Al

You walk over and slowly begin stepping onto the trapdoor, starting with one foot. Pantless 

Al Borland looks at you with fear in his eyes. You put your arms around each other as you 

prepare to put the rest of your weight onto the creaking wood.

Al is sweating profusely by now, and your own heart is pounding. One more step could mean

death or freedom.

Al suddenly blurts, "I’ve always loved you". You stop. "Sorry", he adds, "it’s just something

I thought people say in this situation. It didn’t sound quite as weird in my head."

You finally put all your weight on the trapdoor, and there’s an almighty creak. For a moment

you both stand in silence, waiting to see what happens, holding each other closely, when Al 

says, "You know, we should have probably tried the door firs--"


The sudden sound of the trapdoor giving way sends a jolt of adrenaline through your body.

And then it’s over. You’ve fallen precisely 12 inches onto the grating below the trapdoor.

At that moment a jailer walks in, while two big guards stand outside.

"Evening gentlm--", he stops and looks at you both. Two grown men, one pantless, in each

other’s arms, standing in the slop bucket drain. 

The jailer is lost for words and awkwardly searches for something to say. "Um. I see 

you’ve found the slop drain. We covered it to reduce the smell. We usually have some 

straw around to soak up any spillages, too..."

The rat in your pants then chooses that moment to stick its head over your belt buckle and

give a loud squeak. 

The jailer looks uncomfortable again. The guards glance at each other.

"I was just going to take you to your cells, but we can come back later..."

Before you can say anything, the jailer has left, and the door is closed again. 

> _

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You try turning the handle on the door. To your great surprise it's unlocked. Al looks very

pleased with himself, and you find yourself hoping that he doesn't become too smug as a result

of this. 

"Careful!", Al whispers, and you give him a look that says, "I know". 

You move the door as slowly and quietly as possible and, after what feels like an eternity, you

create enough of a gap between the door and its frame to see outside. 

"What do you see?", whispers Al. 

Unfortunately what you see is an eye looking back at you. 

"Going somewhere?", asks the guard on the other side of the door.

"Er, outside this holding room?", you say.

"Nope", says the guard, and pulls the door firmly shut. You then hear the sound of the door

being locked. 

"Well, it WAS a bit of a long shot...", says Al cheerfully. 

> _

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You are about to roundhouse kick the door when two thoughts cross your mind:

1. The door is four inches thick, and apparently made from solid oak.

2. You have no idea how to perform a roundhouse kick.

> _

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You check your inventory. You cannot see the MacGyver paper clip.

You are carrying:

An invitation

A map

A coupon for "valet parking" (with dried spit)

A pen

A crazy straw

A baseball card

Some fluff


An impossible to catch rat

> _

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It's a map with directions to King Schafer's celebration. The directions start at a place called

Leg End, and end at Castle Schafer, where the celebrations are set to take place.


The door looks leg-breakingly robust.


You can feel the rat running around your straw stuffed pants, but you'll be damned if you can 

be quick enough to catch a glimpse of him.


It's a normal, unexciting pen with the letters "PC" stamped on one side.

> _

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You attempt to scrawl your name on the door, but it's just not the right kind of pen for this kind of wood.

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