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Hey Tim! Thanks for being a massive legend all over the video game fans that adore Grim Fandango et al!

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You place your sooty buttocks on King Schafer’s throne. He wasn’t exaggerating, it IS very comfy. You feel so relaxed

that, not having any rest, you soon nod off. You’re being awoken by King Schafer, the senior guard, and two burly 


"Who the hell do you think you are sitting on my throne?", demands King Schafer.


Your sassy attitude surprises everyone. 

"Is it a glitch in the game? Did we cause this with our hacking?", King Schafer asks his senior guard.

"I don’t know", responds the senior guard with fear in her eyes.

Apparently the primitive game engine has rendered your sooty appearance with completely black textures. You are an

ominous silent, pitch black, humanoid with no discernible features whatsoever. Looking at you is like staring into a

human-shaped black hole.

At that moment Al finally frees himself from the chimney and lands loudly in the fireplace, a slightly more rotund 

pitch black featureless humanoid.

"Another one!", scream King Schafer. "They’re everywhere!"

The guards stand their ground as King Schafer and his senior guard run off behind you. The two guards draw their 

swords and brace themselves to attack Al.

"Ow bab beely burt!", says Al stumbling out of the fireplace. "Uh, Ib gob soob im my eybes!"

This inhuman outburst causes one of the guards to run out the main exit to the hall. The other guard inches his 

way towards the soot-blinded Al, sword in hand, ready to cut him down.

You look behind you and see that King Schafer and the senior guard have left the secret door open in their hurry

to escape.

> _

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You run into the secret doorway shouting "Thanks!" over and over, at the top of your lungs. 

Unfortunately the doorway lead directly to a spiral staircase descending deep underneath

the castle. You bounce down the long stairway, yelling "Thanks!" in between every "Ow!".

Eventually you reach the bottom. Your whole body feels bruised as you get your bearings

and stand up.

You see a huge underground bunker, apparently built for nefarious deeds. King Schafer and 

the senior guard are standing among weird and complex looking laboratory equipment. The

room is wider to your left, and to your shock is filled with rows and rows of Al Borlands.

There must be easily 100 of them. They’re all lined up and spaced apart like soldiers, but are 

otherwise apparently lifeless.

The image is enough to make you stop yelling "Thanks!" for a few seconds, whereupon the

senior guard manages to yell to King Schafer, "Cover your ears!". He follows her command.

The senior guard starts playing with the laboratory controls, and desperately screams, 

"I won’t let you win!".

> _

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You hear your tuxedo pants rip.

Some of the Al Borlands start twitching. The senior guard continues to frantically play with the controls.

> _

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The tickling action of the fluff causes King Schafer to involuntarily pull his arms down, leaving his

ears exposed to sound.


"Thanks!", you yell. The senior guard screams, "Nooooo!", but luckily for her, King Schafer looks


"For what?", he asks, and then puts his hands back over his ears. The senior guard is now even 

more frantic with her fiddling. Most of the Als are now twitching and jerking to life.

Suddenly Al Borland appears in the doorway. He’s managed to wipe most of the soot from his face, but

his tongue is still inexplicably blue, and swollen. You estimate you there is enough ink left for

one last drawing.


The ground starts to rumble, and the sound of something stampeding gets louder and louder

until an elephant in a blonde wig and tight leather pants bursts through the stone wall behind Al

Borland, crushing him instantly. The elephant continues its way across the room, smashing 

through the hundred other Al Borlands, sending them flying through the air, until it hits the far

wall and crashes through that, leaving an elephant shaped tunnel in its path.

When the dust settles, the three of you look around the room in a state of shock. There’s Al

Borlands everywhere.

"Damn you, David Fox!", says King Schafer suddenly, and crumples into a frustrated mess on

the floor.

> _

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You don’t have access to the game console.

The senior guard yells at you, "You may have won the battle, Player Character, but you haven’t won the war!"

She runs up the stairs shouting for guards. You probably have a few short minutes before she returns with 

some. King Schafer lays at your feet in a miserable mess. "My army...", he moans.

Somewhere among the pile of Al’s, you hear a groaning.

> _

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Unfortunately there is no console on the back of anyone’s head.


It takes ages to find the right Al amongst the pile of army Als, but eventually you find him, tongue

still swollen, blue with ink. All he seems capable of saying is, "Ow", and he says it a lot as you move 

his bruised and broken body in order to place the wings on him.

When you’re done, you step back and give him a thumbs up. He looks ridiculous.

"Go win thip thingb!", he somehow manages, and then passes out.


You walk over to King Schafer and say, "Hey Tim! Thanks for being a massive legend all over the 

video game fans that adore Grim Fandango et al!"

King Schafer stops blubbering and looks puzzled. "That barely makes any kind of sense, you know."

You smile and nod, hoping he gets your intention.

"Luckily, I get your intention", he says, and suddenly looks less dejected. His eyes sparkle with the

promise of infinite possibility.

"It’s coming back to me now! I’m the game programmer... I hid myself in here as an Easter Egg,

but something went wrong. We were forced to release the game before I was finished..."

He jumps to his feet.

"That rogue senior guard had me all twisted around. She got me to use my special abilities to unlock

DLC and make changes to the game for her and her NPC cronies..."

At that moment the senior guard appears at the door with two of her oversized hacked guards.

"These were the only ones I could find. Somehow that Al Borland DLC disabled all the re--", she 

notices the look on King Shafer’s face and stops. "You’ve dropped your crown, sire", she says


"You’re done flattering me, you manipulative cow. I don’t need a crown to assert my authority here. I’m no 

humble pig farmer. I’m not Tim of Leg End", he smiles, "I am Tim of LEGEND!"

"Kill them both!", she yells at the guards, and the two of them come lumbering towards you, giant

swords in hand.

> _

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You check your tuxedo pockets. The only thing left is the pen with "PC" written down the side, but it’s 

broken in two.  Presumably from your tumble down the stairs. 

Tim of Legend shouts to the senior guard: "Stop! If you kill me, you’ll never again have access to the DLC 

again! And if you kill the Player Character it’ll be ’game over’ for all of us!"

The two guards stop and look back at the senior guard. She looks frustrated and angry, but also unsure. 

She lets out a mighty scream, and resolve fills her face, "I’ll take my chances..."

The guards continues towards you.

> _

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You skip over the other Al’s bodies to get to the one wearing angel wings, and dap the pointy

end of the broken pen onto Al’s tongue. That’s the last of the ink.


You dash back to Tim of Legend and offer him the pen. You notice that his outfit keeps changing.

"I’ll sign you an autograph once we get out of this alive!", he says. "I’m going to see if I can find

us some useful DLC!" He’s then wearing a bikini, then a potato sack, then a leotard. "Come on!

There must be something I can use!"

You look over at your attackers. The hacked guards are so huge and clumsy that they’re having 

difficulty keeping their balance over the pile of broken Als, and it slows them down.

The senior guard stands by the exit, eagerly watching for the outcome.

> _

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You start drawing the biggest and most powerful looking mech suit outline you can in the 

available floor space, using all the remaining ink. As you bring the line back to the beginning 

to complete the drawing, a mech suit-shaped hole suddenly appears in the floor. One of the 

hacked guards loses his balance and topples into the abyss you’ve created.

"Nooooo!", scream the senior guard. "It’s not fair!"

"Aw, quit whining you big baby", says Tim of Legend while wearing a tutu. "Nice job with the

magical ink, by the way", he says to you while wearing Borat mankini.

The remaining guard is now slowly and carefully trying to make his way around the massive 

hole in the floor. It may take him a while.

In the pile of broken Als you see something move, and a winged shape begins to rise from the 

debris. Before you know what’s happening, the shape has leapt onto the back of the remaining


"Get off him you annoying NPC!", screams the senior guard. She makes her way to her flailing

guard, and try to grab Al from his back.

> _

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In an act of sheer desperation, you decide to throw your two remaining pieces of pen at the

senior guard. As the bits of pen land harmlessly at her feet, the hacked guard makes a dangerous 

leap across the thinnest part of the mech-shaped hole in the floor... and lands right next to you.

"Oh Christ!", says Tim of Legend, wearing a Tarzan loincloth.

The guard lifts up his almighty sword and starts to swing it down on your head when Al appears 

over the guard’s shoulders. He puts both his arms tightly around the guard’s head and lets go with 

his legs, pulling the guard backwards over the chasm. Through sheer strength the guard manages 

not to fall, and instead teeters precariously on the edge, arms flailing.

The slightest nudge will send both he and Al hurtling into the abyss.

> _

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You give the guard a gentle nudge and watch as they both fall. "Fly you magnificent bastard!", you yell as you watch them 

become smaller and smaller, and eventually disappear.

"Brutal", says Tim of Legend.

The senior guard, deciding she doesn’t like her chances, runs out the room, up the stairs, and you hear the door lock 

above you.

You and Tim look at each other, in the debris strewn room.

"So, now what?", asks Tim, wearing a Santa outfit.

> _

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Oh man, I don't even know what our endgame is. Escape from the game? But Tim should be able to do that now he's seen the matrix...

>Tell Tim to use powers to escape game

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I don't know. We might have to throw a disc at the senior guard at some point, or was that the bits of pen?

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