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I am Despair Dog. Woof.

Not too long ago, there was a cat of comfort around these parts. I've got a bone to pick with that particular pussy...

I aim to educate you all on how “Comfort Cat” is a porky pie peddling puss - a purr-veyor of false hope and distasteful deceit. An honest hound such as myself finds it shocking that such a feline fraud could so brazenly spew forth a volley of fur-ball fibs from its tiny little fish-munching mouth. If you want to pay heed to the advice of that mewing fool, then let me tell you, you're barking up the wrong tree.

That darn cat is feeding you all a bunch of kitty litter. That blasted cat-astrope is content to lead you lot a-stray with its tall tails and whilst my own methods may be somewhat ruff (some have even gone so far as to call me a bitch but quite honestly, such callous accusations make this, most assuredly male, dog want to howl with laughter), I will tell you all what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. Allow me to give you a new leash on life and address the balance...

You are not special or unique.

Woof

In all probability, chances are supremely high that ultimately everything that you do in this life will be of no consequence in the grand scheme of things.

Woof

The universe is ever expanding to the point of infinity and within that vast well of blackness, this island Earth is less than a mere speck of complete insignificance.

Woof

There is no God watching over us all. We are alone. Even though we occupy the same space as one another, we are isolated from each other. Your desperate thoughts and dreams will be your one and only true companion on your meaningless and inevitable journey towards the grave.

Woof

You will most assuredly die at some point, most likely far sooner than you kid yourself into believing and statistically there's a very good chance that it will be as a result of a painful disease such as cancer.

Woof

You are fatter than you think you are.

Woof

Now that I've enlightened you all with some bone truths, you kennel move on in life now, but just that little bit wiser paw it.

Woof Woof Woof

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Somebody needs a time out.

Grrr

I bow-wow to no man, no name!

Woof

By the wayside, life is fleeting and you will never achieve your greatest aspirations.

Take this information to heart and go forth with a renewed sense of desolation and despair, my young pup.

Woof Woof Woof

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Somebody needs a time out.

Grrr

I bow-wow to no man, no name!

Woof

By the wayside, life is fleeting and you will never achieve your greatest aspirations.

Take this information to heart and go forth with a renewed sense of desolation and despair, my young pup.

Woof Woof Woof

Just for that I'm giving the milkbones to the neighbor's dog.

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Only the church of felinism can save us from the evil puptriarchy that is putting us in chains.

Grrr

I'd like to disagree with you but you are probably correct. Those felinists certainly do have claws!

Woof

Remember to get used to abandonment. Everyone will leave you in the end - either by deserting you or by shifting this mortal coil ahead of you. You'll die alone and scared.

Woof woof woof

Just for that I'm giving the milkbones to the neighbor's dog.

*wags tail*

I am your neighbor's dog!

Woof

You should know that, like all humans, all of your friends speak behind your back and say things about you that would break your heart, were to hear them with your own ears. Betrayal is something that you would do well to become accustomed to in this short and miserable life.

Woof woof woof

Not another one of these?! Sock puppet accounts are so lame, a cockerel told me so!

Woof?!

Thinking that animals can talk is a clear sign of madness, Brett. Are you listening to what this talking dog is telling you? You should because I need to tell you that thinking animals are talking to you is good training for the dementia that awaits you later on in life, when you reside in an old people's home. Sat in a puddle of your own piss. Don't terrier yourself up about it too much though, it's a fate which awaits us all.

Woof woof woof

#bonetruth

Woof!

Death is the only sure thing in this worthless life #bonetruth

woof woof woof

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Go hump your owner's leg, you mangy mutt before you inevitably go the way of Old Yeller.

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Go hump your owner's leg, you mangy mutt before you inevitably go the way of Old Yeller.

Grrr

"Old Yeller" is a film that fairly accurately reflects real life. Dog is man's best friend. Man shoots best friend. Grief and sorrow soon follow. There's a life lesson there - kill your best friend, before he kills you and then mourn his loss with tears of agony.

Woof Woof Woof

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You're just pissy because your owner had your balls cut off.

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You're just pissy because your owner had your balls cut off.

Woof!

Why should I be mad at him for that? I'm wise enough to know that bringing more pups into this stinking rotten world would be an act of extreme cruelty. In fact, I was so grateful for my owner's gift, that I decided to repay him by ripping his balls off with my teeth.

Which brings me to your life lesson for the day, young pup. Humans are always ingrates when it comes to receiving gifts.

Woof Woof Woof

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So who should I sell you to: a pack of dog eating Cambodians or my former neighbor who's into bestiality?

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oh wtf egr got lock'd????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

i don't even know why i still check in on this forum, lol

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So who should I sell you to: a pack of dog eating Cambodians or my former neighbor who's into bestiality?

Woof...

Choices, choices, choices. It's hard to chews between the two. On the one paw, going with the bestiality option would have the least impact on my existence as it already stands. That's because in this life, I, like you and everyone else, am already quite accustomed to being regularly f**ked up the ass.

On the other paw, the dog eating-Cambodians would be doing this tired old hound a solid by ending it's prolonged and accursed existence.

Woof

The law of averages dictates that events that will upset you greatly will happen at multiple points throughout the year. This will of course continue every single year until your sweet merciful death. It's best to be prepared for the horrible things that await you, young pup.

Woof woof woof

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oh wtf egr got lock'd????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

i don't even know why i still check in on this forum, lol

Hopefully not permanent. The admin-folk need to get some stuff under control before it can be reopened, though.

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oh wtf egr got lock'd????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

i don't even know why i still check in on this forum, lol

Your brand of humour is this forum's lifeblood.

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Banning Despair Dog.

Seriously the first rule of the forums is 'Be Nice'. Being a negative gimmick account is not that.

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