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3 hours ago, Bookdust said:

I just made the girl I love reject me. Like I asked her, in no uncertain terms, to tell me that she wasn't interested in me as anything more than a friend, nor would she ever be, and mean it.

She did, and she took it harder than I did.

Why are these things so messy? It should be good, we're on the same page. I actually feel relieved, and yet I'm pretty certain that she was sobbing when we signed off tonight. I was selfish for telling her how I felt, I was selfish for being jealous of her relationship with my friend, I was selfish for insisting that she acknowledge my feelings as genuine, instead of insisting that I was lying about them as a joke, and when she did and seemed open to the fact that it was there, and that I would quietly continue to harbor these feelings for her despite everything, I realized that I would never stop feeling this way, that I'd never move on, that I would always wait for her. Was I also selfish for asking her to put me out of my freaking misery?

I mean, maybe I should have been able to do that on my own, but I know from experience that I don't make healthy choices like that, in my case this was the best option to making sure that I didn't find another way to delude myself and cause real, permanent damage to my friendships, but now I'm worried I %#$@&!ed things up regardless of whatever choice I made.

Will I ever get this right?

OK BOSS, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO 

1. TAKE A PICTURE OF YOURSELF FROM A WEIRD ANGLE THAT MAKES YOU LOOK MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE

2. MAKE TINDER ACCOUNT

3. TALK TO GIRLS THAT ARE NOT THAT GIRL 

4. BECOME OBSESSED WITH ONE OF THEM INSTEAD

5. REPEAT STEPS 3 AND 4 UNTIL YOUR BRAIN EVENTUALLY GETS TIRED OF BEING OBSESSED WITH WOMEN AND RECOGNIZES THEM FOR THE MERE REPRODUCTIVE COMMODITY THAT THEY ARE 

6. UM WAIT I THINK WE LEARNT THE WRONG LESSON THERE 

7. REPEAT STEPS 5 AND 6 UNTIL YOU DEVELOP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF RESPECT FOR WOMEN THAT DOESN'T ESCALATE TO THE POINT OF OBSESSION 

8. UM WAIT I THINK WE LEARNT THE WRONG LESSON THERE 

9. BECOME A FURRY 

10. YIFF 

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4 hours ago, Bookdust said:

I just made the girl I love reject me. Like I asked her, in no uncertain terms, to tell me that she wasn't interested in me as anything more than a friend, nor would she ever be, and mean it.

She did, and she took it harder than I did.

Why are these things so messy? It should be good, we're on the same page. I actually feel relieved, and yet I'm pretty certain that she was sobbing when we signed off tonight. I was selfish for telling her how I felt, I was selfish for being jealous of her relationship with my friend, I was selfish for insisting that she acknowledge my feelings as genuine, instead of insisting that I was lying about them as a joke, and when she did and seemed open to the fact that it was there, and that I would quietly continue to harbor these feelings for her despite everything, I realized that I would never stop feeling this way, that I'd never move on, that I would always wait for her. Was I also selfish for asking her to put me out of my freaking misery?

I mean, maybe I should have been able to do that on my own, but I know from experience that I don't make healthy choices like that, in my case this was the best option to making sure that I didn't find another way to delude myself and cause real, permanent damage to my friendships, but now I'm worried I %#$@&!ed things up regardless of whatever choice I made.

Will I ever get this right?

Speaking from a girl perspective, being put on the spot like that is incredibly uncomfortable, particularly with someone you care for, just not romantically. I had a very close friendship torpedoed similarly. I didn't really take it hard because I kinda anticipated it and had been trying to signal 'No stop no', but he really did and basically never talked to me again after, which hurt because I really did like hanging out with the guy, I just was not at all attracted to him. Also, his girlfriend had just broken up with him and compromising how I felt just to be the rebound girlfriend didn't seem healthy for anyone involved.

My terrible advice is that in order to really be able to find someone and connect on a level where they feel the same way you do, you first need to be comfortable being alone. When you're comfortable alone, you can more easily have meaningful friendships with women that don't necessarily need to end in romance. Where I'm going with this is: it's really easy to get hung up on one person when you only know one person. If you have loads of other people to compare them to, maybe you'll find you don't actually like them that much. Like, maybe still enough to give it a shot, but not to the point of obsession. 

Word of warning, you might end up so comfortable alone that your parents occasionally call you up to beg you to have pre-marital sex with literally anyone. 

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I agree with @Alcoremortis whose name I can still never spell correctly even though I should really know by now.

(speaking now in general terms and not necessarily about bookdust's situation specifically, cuz I don't know all the deets and wouldn't know what I was talking about)

It happens to lots of guys. They've felt lonely for too long. Suddenly there is someone that makes them feel not lonely anymore. And that somehow gives them instant myopia. Tunnel vision. All they can see and think about is the one person who happened to float past and make them not feel so lonely for a spell. "Obsessed" is one way to describe it, which is probably the word a girl would use to describe it if she was on the receiving end of it and didn't quite want to be. From the lonely dude's point of view it doesn't feel unhealthy in the way that the connotations of "obsessed" imply. It is instead more akin to a kind of worship or reverence. He feels an intense desire to worship and revere her, or something very similar to those.

That's still a bad thing, mind you.


If it's the right person and you are ready, you shouldn't be worshipping them. You shouldn't be putting them up on a pedestal like, oh, I was a prisoner in my lonely tower until this goddess descended from the heavens on a beam of light and rescued me from my dark prison! I will write songs in praise of her! I will wait on her hand and foot, always at her beck and call, ready to serve! I will be her slave if only to be hers forever! <3 <3 <3

 

That's kind of a bad sign when it's like that. Don't worship people.

 

1. She doesn't want to be worshipped. It's weird.


2. If you get rejected, this will make your heartbreak ten times worse.


3. If you don't get rejected and actually end up in a relationship, this will just contribute toward you feeling disappointed or unsatisfied once the relationship becomes an every day fixture of your life. "That wouldn't ever happen, though" the boy would protest here. But yes it would. Yeepppp. Yep it would. Especially more likely to  happen if, as @Alcoremortis explained, you latched onto this person just because they and they alone were there.

 

 

 

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"Yakko's World", Brought to you by the movies! This is brilliant.

 

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4 hours ago, Alcoremortis said:

Word of warning, you might end up so comfortable alone that your parents occasionally call you up to beg you to have pre-marital sex with literally anyone. 

oh hi

i'm literally anyone 

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Yeaaaahhhh... don't get involved with people in relationships. I don't have many rules, but that is the top one. There is literally no win condition for going after someone who's already in a happy relationship. Everyone will be miserable no matter what happens. Even if she left her boyfriend, she'd feel miserable and guilty for doing it and that would sour anything going forward. Personally, I feel like finding out someone is in a relationship is like the ultimate poison pill. Like, if I was attracted to someone, finding out they love someone else just immediately ends it.

One of the better decisions I've ever made in my life was immediately shutting down a married guy. Like, it was harsh, but later on he was super grateful that I prevented him from making a huge mistake and I became good friends with his wife. Then she wanted to leave him for me and it got awkward again.

oh hi

i'm literally anyone 

There's a lot of reasons why my parents have been unsuccessful. I think I like don't make oxytocin or something.

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So everybody keeps talking about how Death Note's cast was whitewashed. Were the movie set in Japan, I would agree. But hey, it worked for The Ring, the movie itself being complimentary towards Ringu without replacing it and was able to further American interest in Japanese horror films, and I don't buy that Adam Wingard is trying to replace the original or anything like that.

Then again, maybe I'm just talking out of my ass.

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13 hours ago, Bookdust said:

I just made the girl I love reject me. Like I asked her, in no uncertain terms, to tell me that she wasn't interested in me as anything more than a friend, nor would she ever be, and mean it.

She did, and she took it harder than I did.

Why are these things so messy? It should be good, we're on the same page. I actually feel relieved, and yet I'm pretty certain that she was sobbing when we signed off tonight. I was selfish for telling her how I felt, I was selfish for being jealous of her relationship with my friend, I was selfish for insisting that she acknowledge my feelings as genuine, instead of insisting that I was lying about them as a joke, and when she did and seemed open to the fact that it was there, and that I would quietly continue to harbor these feelings for her despite everything, I realized that I would never stop feeling this way, that I'd never move on, that I would always wait for her. Was I also selfish for asking her to put me out of my freaking misery?

I mean, maybe I should have been able to do that on my own, but I know from experience that I don't make healthy choices like that, in my case this was the best option to making sure that I didn't find another way to delude myself and cause real, permanent damage to my friendships, but now I'm worried I %#$@&!ed things up regardless of whatever choice I made.

Will I ever get this right?

I think you are getting too negative responses here.

I would say that if you genuinely felt something for her, and you were uncertain whether she felt something for you, then telling her was the only way to go. HOW you told her and asked her to be honest about her feelings is a different matter, but I don't know how that unfolded, and can only speak in general terms.

What is the option to not telling someone how you feel? To potentially keep it secret for the rest of your life and regret never finding out if the feelings were mutual? It's a cliché, but you mostly regret the things you didn't do, and not the things you did.

I destroyed a friendship when I was 17 by telling a girl that I had feelings for her, but I had to. It was socially awkward afterwards, but I would still have regretted not telling her, and I'm 32 now. I did a similar thing a couple of years ago when I told my girlfriend at the time that I loved her, despite being pretty sure that she didn't love me. And she didn't. And it really hurt, and I still feel sad about her not loving me, but living without knowing would have been so much worse.

There is no way to avoid harm in situations like that, but being honest is usually the best way to go. Just remember that the person who doesn't have feelings doesn't feel that the moment of truth is as important as you, but that putting too much pressure on him/her will probably make the person feel cornered and sad and frustrated. Basically what Alcoremortis said. 

So: Good for you that you told her, and I hope you eventually can look back at it as one of "those moments" in life when you learned something, lost something, and gained something.

Edited by fargetv

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5 hours ago, Bookdust said:

1. I'm not obsessed, no one is on a pedestal, I'm not making this person out to be my one and only everything, I KNOW BETTER by now.

I have a crush on someone, and because of the fact that she's involved with a friend it was making me crazy, I told her, and I got crazier, I asked for rejection so I could make a clean break from this thing, so I could be what I'm supposed to be to this girl, her friend.

uh if you have a crush that makes you feel crazy, that's essentially the same thing as being obsessed. it's just that the obsession is driven more by emotion than logic 

i.e. you may know better, but that doesn't mean you feel better 

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Bookdust, if you want a place to vent without any response, perhaps you should write a journal rather than post on a forum. At the very least you should perhaps preface your posts with "I'd appreciate people not replying", rather than peppering them with questions like "Why are these things so messy?", "Was I also selfish for asking her to put me out of my freaking misery?", and "Will I ever get this right?" which do indeed invite analysis of your life.

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I apologize as well. I've just been on the receiving end all too often so I tend to empathize with the girl in this sort of situation. I've lost several really good friends due to stuff like this. Just dropped right out of my life, never saw them again.

I guess if everyone's okay now, it's worked out fine. Your friends are cooler people than my friends.

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My roommate hired me to watch her dog for a week, and now it's sick for some reason and it's puking and liquid pooping all over everything and I did not sign up for this and I want to be paid extra D:<

Do you think she would pay me extra? )_)

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34 minutes ago, Anemone said:

My roommate hired me to watch her dog for a week, and now it's sick for some reason and it's puking and liquid pooping all over everything and I did not sign up for this and I want to be paid extra D:<

Do you think she would pay me extra? )_)

Holy hell. That sounds disgusting. It probably ate something. Maybe a plant? A chocolate bar?

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That's a risk of dog-watching, you totally did sign up for it! I don't think you would be justified in asking for extra; whether she would pay you it if asked, I don't know...

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2 hours ago, TimeGentleman said:

That's a risk of dog-watching, you totally did sign up for it! I don't think you would be justified in asking for extra; whether she would pay you it if asked, I don't know...

Oh no no no, you don't know the HALF of it. I did NOT sign up for it, and I have communicated this to her multiple times. Under no circumstances did I say, "Sure, I would be happy to watch your dog for a week." This is an ongoing problem where she repeatedly thrusts her dog onto other people because she is never home and, frankly, shoudn't even have this dog. The $100 she is paying me is less of a payment for watching the dog and more to appease me so that I don't get pissed and move out because I am thiiiiiis close.

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Oh no no no, you don't know the HALF of it. I did NOT sign up for it, and I have communicated this to her multiple times. Under no circumstances did I say, "Sure, I would be happy to watch your dog for a week." This is an ongoing problem where she repeatedly thrusts her dog onto other people because she is never home and, frankly, shoudn't even have this dog. The $100 she is paying me is less of a payment for watching the dog and more to appease me so that I don't get pissed and move out because I am thiiiiiis close.

Kill the dog?

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1 hour ago, epic said:

Happy Canada Day!

timhortons-e1498753285311-1024x576.jpg

I hope to azoth that that's not a sweet donut under that poutine....

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Went out with the lads to some BBQ place and all four of us ordered this dinner plate called The Belly Buster. Pork ribs, beef ribs, smoked brisket, smoked sausage, pulled pork, pulled chicken, half a smoked chicken, baked beans, potato salad and cornbread.

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9 hours ago, Feddlefew said:

I hope to azoth that that's not a sweet donut under that poutine....

It is.

The maple bacon one was incredibly sweet,

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4 hours ago, Noname215 said:

Went out with the lads to some BBQ place and all four of us ordered this dinner plate called The Belly Buster. Pork ribs, beef ribs, smoked brisket, smoked sausage, pulled pork, pulled chicken, half a smoked chicken, baked beans, potato salad and cornbread.

This sounds like a meal you split with people.

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9 hours ago, Noname215 said:

Went out with the lads to some BBQ place and all four of us ordered this dinner plate called The Belly Buster. Pork ribs, beef ribs, smoked brisket, smoked sausage, pulled pork, pulled chicken, half a smoked chicken, baked beans, potato salad and cornbread.

 this sounds like indigestion

haha i'm old 

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It was. The plate was huge so we all shared.

I couldn't have done that all on my own, I would have puked all over the table.

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